


It's the Thought That Counts

by Humanity_is_Dean



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Cabbage the Turtle duck, First Kiss, Guilt, Happy Ending, I promise I don't hate Roku, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Post "The Promise", Post-Season/Series 03, Sleep Deprivation, Sort of spoilers for "The Promise"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25562437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Humanity_is_Dean/pseuds/Humanity_is_Dean
Summary: When those from the Spirit World invade the Avatar’s dreams, it is not a bad thing. Sometimes, however, you cannot tell the difference between an actual spirit crossing the bridge into a dream and the nightmarish remembrance of a past encounter. Aang must deal with his guilt over his actions toward Zuko in the “The Promise”--not necessary to have read the comics--
Relationships: Aang/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 185





	It's the Thought That Counts

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, everyone! I'm super excited to put this out here. It's my first time writing in about a year, and the reboot to the Avatar fandom really inspired me (and, I really thought the Zukaang tag could use some extra love). It's not perfect, but hey, I had so much fun. I really hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

_“Aang,” an old, familiar voice called out. His name rang through all four corners of the courtyard, ears buzzing from the sound. His attention was forced away from the serene scene before him. Pulling him fast from the image of Zuko lounging around the turtle duck pond. Dragging him away from this bubble of warmth, comfort, and hopeful love that he built and into a sea of confusion._

_“Hello?” Aang called back, hesitant to face whoever had commanded his presence._

_A mind-numbing humming sensation, that reminded the Avatar of his friend screaming in his ear, rushed the length of the Avatar’s body, shaking him to his core and garnering his attention. With arrows shining bright, the Avatar focused on the translucent man in front of him, his past self. Their last encounter had not ended on the best of terms but instead, an abrupt departure fueled with hurt._

_“Aang, you are the Avatar,” said Roku. “You must do what is right.”_

_“No!” Aang cried out. “Not this. This is not right!”_

_The spirit of Avatar Roku stared solemnly at Aang, reasoning, “You made a promise, and for the good of the world, you must fulfill it.”_

_“I won’t hurt those I love!” Aang yelled, tears gathering in his eyes._

_“I made the same mistake, Aang. Now, because of my weakness to do what was right, my terrible burden falls to you. You must kill my great-grandson as I should have done with my old friend.”_

_“But he’s my friend! I’ll find a way—”_

_“Unfortunately, there is no other way. I thought the same with Sozin, only to be disappointed in the end. And the world in ruin,” Roku tried to acknowledge the discomfort of what he demanded of Aang, yet Roku did not seem to grasp the true level of anguish inside the young Avatar. “I’m afraid the same challenge has befallen you, and you must not recoil at your responsibility as I had. Remember not only your promise to the Firelord but to the world.”_

_“We were wrong! Zuko was right! He realized the Harmony Restoration Movement was flawed and wrong. He was protecting his people while I just did what everyone expected me to do. I need him. I am not always right; I—we—need balance. He’s that balance.”_

_“No, you are the balance, the bridge between worlds. Only you can bring peace to the four nations, or rather the four elements. For balance to exist, the four nations must be kept separate. Together, you and the Firelord do not equal balance but destruction. Aang, it is time to put away your feelings and—”_

_“Stop!” Aang panicked, not wanting to hear the last of Roku’s statement. Because in the end, he knew how it would end._

Lurching upright, Aang was gasping for air, eyes desperate to be released from his dream. “No, no, no,” Aang cried as he rose from the bed, detangling the sheets from his clammy limbs. Pacing the floor of his bed chambers, the Avatar took a quick inventory of his surroundings. Everything seemed to be normal. A huge, sweat-drenched bed in the middle of the room, the windows latched shut, his gilder leaning against the far wall, and a still sleeping Momo curled up at the window. Most importantly, the room was void of any sign of Avatar Roku or the lifeless body of Zuko. The air bender’s breath finally slowed as the dream gradually bled away and reality set in.

He was not in the Spirit World. Avatar Roku could not tell him what to do now. In fact, Aang had not contacted Roku since the Battle for Yu Dao and frankly, never planned to again. He was in the Fire Nation within the walls of the palace in his own chambers, tucked away neatly in the royal wing. Katara, Sokka, and Toph were all in surrounding chambers, and Appa was sleeping in his special den right outside Aang’s room. And, most importantly, Zuko was safe and alive just down the hallway, hopefully, fast asleep and dreaming of happier things. He was safe. The world was safe. The only thing that did not seem to be safe now was Aang’s sanity.

+++

It had been almost a month since the would-be Battle for Yu Dao and Aang found a place in the heart of the Fire Nation. After the battle, needing to speak with Zuko, Aang found himself with the young Firelord in Ba Sing Se. Sitting with warm cups of tea in their hands and blankets wrapped tightly around their shoulders, both teenagers were caught up in constant discussion. That’s also how he found himself assisting Iroh at the Jasmine Dragon for a few days to help Zuko get the much-needed comfort he deserved. After feeling refreshed and ready to return to their diplomatic duties, Zuko and Aang hopped on Appa, waving goodbye to Iroh and making their way to the Fire Nation for a century’s worth of meetings.

However, upon their arrival at the palace, the Firelord was immediately swept away before either boy could say a word. Aang shot Zuko a soft smile, praying it concealed his disappointment. He understood, of course. Zuko was the Firelord. He had firey, firelordy things to attend to, especially considering the length of their “vacation”. What the Avatar had not realized was that his friends—Katara, Sokka, and Toph—were already at the palace, awaiting their return. Thinking about it now, that’s probably why Aang wasn’t dragged away along with Zuko. Sure, he wasn’t Fire Nation royalty and technically held no official office, but often, as the Avatar, Aang was privy to all Fire Nation business. So, his friends’ presence helped to explain being left behind. They were probably rolling around in anxiety, fretting over what had occurred in his discussions with Zuko. Honestly, sometimes, the royal guard didn’t know how to handle the “gaang”; so, they probably left Aang be on account of Toph’s threats alone. 

Sitting down together, Aang explained most of what he could. He explained his last encounter with Roku, and how Roku wanted him to end Zuko in the name of peace. Sokka and Toph nodded along, understanding Roku’s point but were in complete disagreement with the old Avatar. Katara had said nothing. Instead, she watched Aang in silence, giving him the feeling that this would not be the last conversation the two had about this. He told them a little about Ba Sing Se, joking that his tea-making abilities had improved greatly. Chuckling together, they wandered into the kitchens after Sokka dared Aang to prove that he was not only a master of all four elements but of tea.

+++

That night, they started. Vivid dreams of Roku and of killing Zuko that haunted the Avatar well into the daytime. Roku always said the same: “Fulfill your promise”; “Kill Zuko”; “It’s the right thing to do”; “For the world”. What always changed was how Zuko died. Sometimes, it was any of the three out of four elements at his disposal, though never air for reasons Aang did not want to think about; other times, Aang would be flying with Appa and he’d push Zuko off the saddle, or they’d be lying together by the turtle duck pond and somehow Zuko drowned as Aang just watched. Zuko always— _always_ —died after Roku convinced Aang of its necessity _._

Usually, after, Aang would startle awake, panting, and drenched in sweat. More than once, he ended up making quite the scene in his private chambers, enough that his friends had heard. By the fifth night, Katara came rushing into his room at the sounds of his screams.

“Aang?” Katara asked, worried at the sight of the Avatar frantically pacing the room.

“I won’t do it,” Aang muttered to himself. “ _I won’t do it. I didn’t.”_ Completely unaware of his actions, the room began to develop a bit of breeze with all Aang’s pacing. For a single moment, Katara felt nervous to approach him. What would happen when she did? Would he lash out? Hurt her? Don’t get Katara wrong, she was a masterful water bender, but an Avatar lacking control of their bending is something to be cautious of. Though, when Aang was spiraling, his usual default was air. Used to Aang’s bending defense mechanisms, Katara decided to risk being tossed against a wall.

“Aang,” she tried again.

“I won’t kill him, Roku! It doesn’t matter what I promised,” Aang croaked, crouching down. His hands firmly grasped his neck, pulling his head to his chest.

Katara approached Aang. Slowly, she bent to meet his current height. “Aang, please, it’s me. Katara,” she worried, gripping the Avatar’s bare shoulder.

“Katara?” Aang said, confused, suddenly lifting his head to meet his friend’s gaze. “When did you get here?”

“Aang, sweetie, I heard you from across the hall,” she offered a small quirk of the lips. “What’s troubling you?”

Gripping the back of his neck again, Aang shook his head, “Nothing. Bad dream, that’s all. You should go back to sleep.”

Taking hold of tattooed hands, she helped her tired friend up from his perch, leading him back to the bed. “Talk to me, Aang. I know something’s up. I knew it when you first arrived, but I was waiting for you to come to me.”

“It’s stupid, really.”

“Whatever it is, I won’t think it is. I promise.”

A glance to Katara’s eyes said it all for Aang. She cared. She would not judge. That’s what he loved about her, her heart. Sure, Toph and Sokka were his best friends, too, his family; but Katara was different. “Remember what I told you about Roku and Yu Dao?” Aang asked, waiting on Katara’s nod to continue. “Well, he said I had to kill Zuko. That I had to in order to maintain harmony between the four nations.”

“Well,” Katara assessed, remembering when Aang briefly mentioned this a month earlier. She’d honestly forgotten all about it, and she thought Aang had, too. “There hasn’t been harmony for over a hundred years. I don’t see how killing Zuko would solve that.”

“He said that’s because he failed to do this to Sozin. As the next Avatar, it’s my job to finish what he couldn’t and fulfill my promise to Zuko.”

Katara sighed, thinking of just the words to say, “Aang, Sozin and Roku are different than you and Zuko. The mistakes they made and the harmony they were unable to find with themselves is not your fault. You and Zuko are trying to recover the world from the mess they created. Together. And, in the end, Zuko was right about Yu Dao. But, we both know there are times when Zuko is wrong. He needs you to see that sometimes, just like you needed him to see. You need each other to balance the other out. What you two have been trying to do since the Comet has begun to restore harmony, and it will continue to do so.”

“I know that, Katara,” Aang conceded, looking away.

“Then, what’s upsetting you?” Katara puzzled. If Aang knew he did the right thing by not killing Zuko and fulfilling their stupid “promise”, then what was plaguing his mind?

Aang pulled his hand from Katara’s.

“Aang,” Katara pleaded, trying to reach for the Avatar’s hand once more; but he only brushed her off. 

“I can’t,” Aang murmured, curling on to his side to face away from Katara. Aang, like every night before that, felt the overwhelming need to weep. He just wanted to be alone.

“When you’re ready, then,” Katara promised, running a hand down Aang’s arm before leaving the room. As soon as the doors clicked shut, the Avatar felt the tears slip down his face.

+++

The next morning found everyone hurrying around the palace, all in different directions. Sokka and Katara were off with their father and Bato, who were here to negotiate the terms of the Southern Water Tribe’s new coalition with the Fire Nation. Toph was strangely off with Ty Lee, Suki, and the rest of the Kyoshi Warriors doing some badass stuff. Aang really did not know what they were getting up to, but whatever it was, he couldn’t wait to find out. And Aang, while he could probably skip a day’s worth of meetings without being reprimanded, he didn’t want to. A day spent in endless meetings meant three things: sitting through painfully boring negotiations over the most mundane issues that often made Aang long for his days in the iceberg; being the Avatar, keeper of peace, who actually implements decisions and tries to restore peace; and getting to spend all day with Zuko. Sure, they didn’t always have time to practice their bending or just talk about normal things, but it was nice to be around him. So, Aang was off the council room to start his day and meet his friend.

Opening the door to the council chamber, Aang spotted him easily without anyone around. He sat at the head of the old war table, head bent over a large piece of parchment, already reviewing some of the day’s issues. His head was supported by his right hand with eyes knit together in thought. Already a few strands of hair had fallen from his lordly bun, framing his face just so. And the window sitting behind him flooded the room with the morning sun, illuminating the Firelord as if he were some deity to be worshipped. The image before him stirred familiar feelings within the Avatar. A feeling that felt like a thousand strings pulling him toward the Firelord with every exhale. Another feeling that choked his heart and tried to cut the strings, reminding him of their “promise” and his dreams.

As if on cue, Zuko flicked his eyes, connecting with Aang’s from across the room. The worried features on his face morphed into a soft grin, speaking just as gently, “Avatar.”

“Hotman,” Aang joked, happily striding toward the fire bender. Pushing his nighttime thoughts and feelings aside, Aang forced a bright smile. Though, around Zuko, it never took long before the forced smile became the Avatar’s signature sunshine beam. Roughly, it took five seconds; on a bad day, fifteen. 

“Don’t call me that,” Zuko objected automatically. Both knew the statement didn’t garner any heat. At some point, it just became their thing, and both secretly loved it. What would be much to people’s surprise, Zuko rather liked when Aang called him that. As Aang took the seat to Zuko’s right, the Firelord shoots him a little lighthearted glare. 

“Of course, Sifu…” Aang started, folding his hands to rest on the table and bowing his head slightly.

“That’s better, if not a little improper for our current titles, or so my advisors say—”

“—Hotman,” Aang finished, smirking. Both dissolved into laughter.

Hours passed, and Aang and Zuko went from meeting to meeting. Still, not for a moment, did Aang gain total release from his earlier feelings. He felt a constant pull toward the Firelord, needing to be near him. Yet there was a constant need to run away, to climb up on Appa, fly away, and never look back. He was ashamed, but his ever-growing need to be close to Zuko outweighed everything else.

+++

It went on like this for two weeks. The people around them would be too busy preparing for the day ahead, allowing the Firelord and Avatar a few moments to themselves. The moments, unfortunately, were fleeting, but the laughter that greeted the council members every morning became a welcomed expectation. Discussions, of course, would follow for hours over the Earth Kingdom colonies, the Water Tribe assistance agreement, and helping to restore balance to the Fire Nation. Sometimes, the council would break for an afternoon tea or lunch, depending on the appetite of those gathered. During those times, Zuko would take Aang away from the crowd to the quiet turtle duck pond, and the two shared a short, quiet moment with a satisfying conversation about something other than politics.

Today was one of those times.

The sky was clear. The sun was bright and warm, radiating energy to everyone who stepped under it. The turtle ducks were swimming close beside the pair. They raced closer when Zuko pulled out bread to feed them. Aang was lying on his back, shaking with laughter as Zuko talked softly to the animals. The Firelord wouldn’t want anyone to know that he used “baby-talk” with the little turtle ducks and was completely unable to address them any other way. Don’t worry, Zuko already gave Aang a meaningless threat the first time he caught him in the act. It was their little secret now.

“They love you, Zuko,” Aang pointed out as Zuko finished feeding the turtle ducks, “especially, Cabbage.” The animal in question was currently rest his head on Zuko’s palm.

Shaking his head with fondness, Zuko sighed, “I can’t believe you named one of them, Cabbage. Of all things!” Then, bending his head to Cabbage’s eye level, Zuko apologized, “I’m so sorry for letting him name you, little one. He must be a one-trick poodle pony. He can save the world, sure; but name an animal?” Zuko just shook his head.

Aang chimed in, “What’s wrong with Appa and Momo?”

Zuko shot his friend an insufferable look that really said it all.

Aang shrugged, and then seriously confessed, “I only did, because I have harmed so many cabbages trying to save the world. I felt they deserved some sort of tribute, and what better way than to name an adorable baby turtle duck after them.”

“It’s a vegetable, Aang,” Zuko stated, glaring at the Avatar. “Not a name.”

“A leafy green.” Aang offered, grinning wide.

“Still a vegetable,” Zuko pointed out, flicking pond water at Aang.

“Still his name,” Aang reminded as he bent the water back at Zuko.

Dodging the oncoming sprinkle, Zuko fell to his back beside Aang. He glanced at Aang, who was beaming widely. Snorting, Zuko conceded, “Fine. It’s his name.”

No matter how well the day went, however, it always ends and starts the same. Aang would say good night to all his friends, and they’d all go off to their own private rooms. There, the dreams would come, and they always started the same. Aang would be with Zuko, usually at the pond, having fun in between council meetings. Then, that sweet world would fade away, engulfing Aang in darkness. Gradually, a blue-tinted spirit would make itself known to Aang, and every time, Aang demanded the spirit to show themselves, confused. Every time, it was Roku, imploring Aang to put an end to Zuko. And, every time, Aang did.

Then, Aang would find himself awake, lying in a puddle of his own sweat and breathing too heavily. Sometimes, he’d cry out or scream. Though, every time, he felt overwhelming amounts of shame. Let’s just say, sleep slowly became a luxury as the days wore on.

Surprisingly, very few people noticed, or if they did, they were too polite to say anything. Katara knew, of course, having come in repeatedly after that first time. Sokka and Toph, despite their concern, steered clear of the subject, knowing that sometimes it was better to let things play out. By the third day, Zuko noticed the bags under the Avatar’s eyes, the redness that surrounded them, and the overall less cheery attitude he was used to. Aang simply brushed him off, making up some excuse about old air-bending traditions that could only be done at night. There were no traditions. Zuko did not really believe it either, but he let it go, hoping his friend would confide with time. As Aang got worse, the signs became harder to ignore, yet Zuko bit his tongue every time the urge to ask occurred. He even questioned Katara one afternoon, but she wasn’t helpful either. She gave him some vague answer to distract him for a moment so she could slip away.

A couple of days later, Zuko grew even more suspicious of Aang’s “air-bending traditions”. While Zuko did not know a lot about the Air Nomads, he knew enough that any tradition of theirs would not lead way to anything so harmful. During their daily meetings, Aang became less vocal and closed off. His eyes were almost always drooping like he was fighting every second to keep them open. Something serious was wrong, and Zuko was determined to find out.

That night at dinner, the entire “gaang” was together. Unsurprisingly, everyone kept stealing concerned glances at Aang, who looked worse than the days leading up to the Day of the Black Sun. Obviously, to last this long, Aang would have had to get a couple of hours each night, but certainly not enough to support himself.

Everyone silently ate; each internally wondering who would bring _it_ up first.

It was Toph.

“Hey, Twinkletoes!” She shouted across the table at Aang, who merely looked at her in acknowledgment. Despite not actually seeing his so-called reaction, Toph felt a slight movement and took that as a response. “You’re not so much twinkle toes anymore. More like a tired platypus-bear. What gives?”

“What? Nothing. I’m fine,” Aang stammered, surprisingly quick to respond.

“Aang, buddy,” Sokka started, softer than his normal tone. “I want to believe that as much as you, but you look like you just went ten rounds with Ozai. Wait, no, better yet, Azula!” Sokka was proud of himself for about a half a second before recoiling internally, offering a quiet apology to Zuko. But, finding very little offense, he just waved Sokka off. There were more important matters, after all, that didn’t include his family.

“Honestly, guys, I’m fine.”

“I don’t know, Aang,” Sokka said. “You’ve been kinda off since the Battle for Yu Dao.”

Aang visibly flinched, whether from the sleep deprivation or the reference to Yu Dao no one could say. This only incited Sokka to continue, “Ah! So, it was that! What happened there? I mean, it’s not like we did much, right? Let’s see. We got there; the Earth King was all “I’m fine from up here”; the Yu Dao Resistance was gearing up; and, oh, you went to talk with Roku—”

“Sokka,” Katara cut her brother off, as Aang once again flinched. “Not now.”

“Oh, lay off it, Katara,” Toph blurted out. “Twinkletoes hasn’t been very twinkly lately. We’re just trying to help. So, what, was it Roku? Now, that I think about it, you got all weird after you told us you talked to him and we started asking questions.”

“Roku?” Zuko asked, confused, having not heard anything about his great-grandfather from anyone.

“Oh, yeah!” Sokka excitedly hollered. “Didn’t he say they fought? Maybe it is just really taking its toll on him, you know? He’s a sensitive kid like that.”

“Sounds like Twinkletoes to me.”

“What? Did I hear that correctly? Aang fought with Avatar Roku, his past self? My great-grandfather? Avatar Roku?” Zuko inquired, utterly lost. Why didn’t he know about this? Why had Aang kept something like this from him? He honestly thought they were closer than that. Much closer.

Finally, Katara sighed and spoke up, “Yes. Roku.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “Should I tell them, or will you?”

“Hmm, let me guess,” Sokka pondered. Suddenly, slapping his hands down on the table, guessing, “Did you guys break up?”

“No. Yes. That’s not the point!” Katara stumbled, looking to her annoying companions. Both Sokka and Toph had eyes locked on her, smug as if they cracked the code to Aang’s dilemma. Zuko had his eyes cast down, lost in thought.

“Sounds like the point,” Toph chimed in.

Sokka agreed, “Makes more sense than the Roku thing. Right, Aang?”

No answer. Huh. It had been a while since Aang said anything at all, which was unusual but not as of late. Still staring down his sister, Sokka asked again, “Aang?” When he still didn’t receive an acknowledgment, he finally looked at the Avatar, stumped, “Huh.” The other three sets of eyes snapped over to the air-bender, whose only response was light snoring. “Well, I guess that solves that.”

“Yeah, he hadn’t slept because he and Katara broke up. And since those two morons didn’t know how to tell us, he broke himself. Now, he can sleep, knowing that we know. Nice going, Twinkletoes.”

“That’s not why,” Katara stated.

“What do you mean?” Zuko questioned, a little hopeful yet cautious.

“We were never really together. We’re just friends—”

“But you kissed!” Sokka cried, waving his arms between the “couple”. “And you call each other sweetie like all the time!”

Katara shrugged, “Okay?”

“What’s wrong with him, Katara?” Zuko asked, not caring about the details of Aang and Katara’s obviously platonic relationship.

“I can’t say much. It’s his story to share. Though, since his fight with Roku, he’s been having these awful nightmares. I know something else is going on inside his head, but he just won’t tell me.”

Silence once more fell around the table. All four of Aang’s friends worriedly watched the Avatar snore on, hoping he would finally find some peaceful rest. Perhaps, in the morning, he’d be ready to talk about what was bugging him. Too nervous to wake him, everyone left the Avatar to sleep at the table. While parting ways, Zuko slipped off to his own chambers to fetch some blankets. Returning to the dining room, Zuko checked to ensure he was alone before gently wrapping the blanket around Aang’s shoulders.

Taking a long, cataloging look at Aang, Zuko leaned forward and softly pressed his lips against the other’s cheek. Smiling sadly, Zuko grabbed the other blanket, walked to the corner, and made a spot for himself to sleep.

+++

_“Fulfill your promise, Aang,” the voice of Avatar Roku erupted around him, enveloping his entire being. The urge to fight and to give in to his past-self battled for territory within his mind._

_“No, please,” Aang pleaded._

_“Don’t you want harmony for the four nations?” Roku stared intensely at the young air-bender._

_“Yes, but—”_

_“—Don’t you want to save what we were both unable to 100 years ago?”_

_“Yes, but—” Aang tried, grasping the back of his neck._

_“Don’t you want to stop letting your people down? Don’t you want to be the Avatar they deserve?” Roku asked, staring down at the young Avatar, who had his head bent._

_Looking up from the ground, Aang confessed, “Yes.”_

_And, just like that, it seemed his fate was sealed. He would be the Avatar he was supposed to be, picking up where Roku left off. He would save the world, even if it cost him his. That “yes” imprisoned him, and there was no looking back. The earth dropped from under him as the air tossed his body around before landing in a familiar spot. The pond -- Zuko’s pond-- with his beloved turtle ducks._

_Zuko was standing toward the edge of the pond. The corners of his mouth quirked as he watched Cabbage and his siblings race toward their mother. As the last turtle duck reached the safety of their mother, Zuko turned around. His eyes were on the Avatar in an instant as a smile darted across the Firelord’s face. “Hey, Aang!” he exclaimed._

_Aang snapped his head away from Zuko, staring at his own hands. Aang whispered, “I’m sorry,” as a sharp pang ruptured through his chest at the thought of killing his friend._

_Concern crossed Zuko’s face as he moved forward, reaching for Aang. “Sorry for what?”_

_“For what I have to do.”_

_Zuko chuckled then, cradling Aang’s head softly in his hands. He gently tilted the younger bender’s head, forcing Aang to meet his trusting gaze. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” Then, he pulled Aang in close, kissing him deeply. All plans quickly drained from Aang’s brain, focusing on the sensation of Zuko’s lips working against his._

_After a few moments, the two broke away, leaving a serene Firelord and a heartbroken Avatar. “Did you—Did you just kiss me?” He stuttered, panicky._

_“Well, yeah?” Zuko chuckled, rubbing his thumb across Aang’s cheek. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re my boyfriend.”_

_“Boyfriend?” Aang gasped, eyes wide and unbelieving. Just when he got what he always wanted. “But I have to kill you.”_

_Zuko snorted, “Yeah, and I have to capture you to restore my honor.”_

_“I can’t hurt him,” Aang begged to Roku, to the Spirits, to himself._

_From behind Zuko, Roku appeared in his Spirit form. Glowering at Aang, he ordered, “Do it, Aang. For the world.”_

_“I’m so sorry,” Aang cried, allowing the tears to fall from his eyes. Figuring it was the only time he could ever tell him, he hugged Zuko to his chest, whispering, “I love you.”_

_While Zuko only pulled the younger man closer, Aang wept, using his air bending to suck all the air out quickly from the man he loved. Slowly, he felt all air and life leave Zuko’s body as they both fell to the floor, Aang cradling the lifeless body to his chest._

Sobbing, Aang was wrenched from his sleep. Not even allowing himself a moment to collect his thoughts, he ran from his spot at the dining room table as the blanket fell away from his shoulders. Every time, these dreams rip his heart out. But, never, had this happened. Never had Zuko loved him, had they been together. Never had he had to lose Zuko, just after gaining him. And never had he used his air-bending to kill him, breaking the sacred vow of his people. Aang had to find Appa and leave the palace at once. He couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t look at Zuko every day, knowing what he felt and knew. He had to leave.

The sobs racking his body left Aang unbalanced and stumbling. Unaware of a pile of blankets in the middle of the room, Aang tripped and rolled over them. The pile below groaned, and a shaggy head of black hair popped up. It was only then that Aang realized he tripped over a person, and not just any person but Zuko. 

“Aang!” Zuko croaked, startling awake as the Avatar landed in his lap. “Are you okay?”

Still crying and completely avoiding Zuko’s gaze, Aang shook his head. Immediately, Zuko pulled in Aang for a hug, offering to listen to whatever was troubling the Avatar. But Aang only shook his head again, pressing his face into Zuko’s chest. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I think you should,” Zuko said softly, snaking his arm around the other’s back. “I would never judge you if you’re scared of that. You can talk to me, Aang.” 

“I know.”

“Then, why haven’t you told me about these dreams? About Roku?”

“Because it’s about you,” Aang mumbled, barely audible, but Zuko heard him, nonetheless.

Zuko nodded, trying to hide his surprise. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Aang peered up at Zuko, asking, “Do you think it will help?”

“Yeah,” Zuko smiled, feeling like they were headed in the right direction.

“Okay,” Aang conceded, forcing his head from Zuko’s chest, and sitting up. The Avatar took a few moments to collect his thoughts before explaining to him his conversation with Avatar Roku and the dreams that followed. How Roku would somehow convince Aang to kill Zuko and then how Aang would actually kill him. How he had been having these nightmares for weeks, only getting two hours of sleep per night. 

“I should have never asked you to do that,” Zuko sighed when Aang finally finished.

“No, you shouldn’t have,” Aang responded, his hurt clear in his eyes, “but I shouldn’t have accepted either.”

“But you didn’t do it,” Zuko pointed out. “Nothing in your dreams actually happened out here. I’m still here.” Zuko placed his hand confidently over the Avatar’s.

“That’s not it, Zuko,” Aang confessed. “Well, I mean, it is, but it isn’t.”

“Then, what?”

Breathing in deep, preparing to share what he was too ashamed to admit, he said, “I thought about it. For a moment, I was scared I was going to fulfill that stupid promise.”

Understanding flooded Zuko’s brain. He wasn’t mad. How could he be? He’s the one who put Aang in that situation in the first place. “Aang,” Zuko began. “How were you not supposed to think about it? I asked you—of all people—to kill me if I were to end up like my father. You had the whole world and a Spirit telling you that I was acting like my father. I even thought I was acting like my father. It’s okay. It doesn’t make you any less a monk, any less an Avatar, and any less my friend.”

“But Zuko, I was going to,” Aang cried, grabbing Zuko’s neck.

Reaching for Aang’s forearms, Zuko stared genuinely at Aang. “But you didn’t. We have both made mistakes. So you thought about killing me? So, what? I tried to capture you for a very long time, and only last week, I thought about feeding the Earth King to Appa.”

Aang laughed sadly, “You were joking.”

“I was not,” Zuko smirked. “I’m just trying to tell you that we both have made mistakes, and we are going to make so many more. But we can’t let our past choices, or almost choices, ruin our future ones. You didn’t hurt me, and I don’t think you have any plans to. And, I’m not saying this because you actually did anything to deserve it, I’m saying it because I think you need to hear it. I’m not mad at you, and I forgive you. And I am also sorry for putting that pressure on you.”

“Zuko, you have nothing to—”

“No, if you get to feel guilty about that, I get to feel guilty about this. I’m sorry.” 

Aang threw himself farther into Zuko’s arms, his own wrapped tightly around Zuko. “I forgive you. I just don’t know what I would do without you. Katara was right.”

“About?”

“She said that we are different from Sozin and Roku. They were unable to find balance with each other, which caused so many misunderstandings. But, with us, I mean with me, at least, you balance me out. I may be the Avatar, but I’m not always right and you help me. I need you.”

 _I need you,_ Zuko replayed that phrase in his head. Did Aang mean it the way he wanted? Is this why the thought of hurting him was taking such a toll on him? Pulling away just enough to see Aang’s face, Zuko admitted, “I need you, too.”

“What?” Aang startled.

“For so long, you were my only hope of restoring my honor. I just didn’t know how you would do it. Not for capturing you, or defeating you, but just by being around you, learning from you, and restoring the world with you. You make me want to be a good, honorable person, Aang. You challenge me to be my best and to correct my mistakes. I need you. I have always needed you; I just didn’t understand why.”

“You need me? I really do all that?” Aang asked, astonished, mouth hanging wide open.

“Well, yeah,” Zuko admitted. “You did say we balance each other out. Or, are taking that back now?”

Blushing, Aang stammered, “No. Not really. I just--I just didn’t know you felt like that.”

Smiling softly at Aang’s sudden nervousness, Zuko tilted Aang’s chin, lifting his head just so. And slowly, he leaned into Aang’s space, giving him the chance to move away. But when he didn’t, Zuko pressed his lips against Aang’s. The young Avatar had thought about this moment so many times, he couldn’t believe it was happening. The heat radiating off Zuko made everything click, like a fire guiding him home. Excitedly, Aang’s fingers moved to grasp the back of Zuko’s neck, allowing his body to melt against his. His worries over the promise and his dreams slipped away at Zuko’s touch. The warmth of joy spreading throughout his own body slowly replaced the treaded feelings inside. Hoping Aang’s enthusiastic reaction was a good sign, Zuko pulled back, stroking the Avatar’s cheek. 

“Are you sure we can have this?” Aang questioned, excited yet cautious.

Zuko lowered his arms to rest on Aang’s waist, securing the younger bender on his lap, and shrugged. “I don’t see why not? Who’s going to stop us? The Avatar? The Firelord?”

Giggling, Aang said, “I guess you’re right. I just can’t believe it. Spirits above, how are we going to tell everyone?”

Now, that’s when horror truly struck Zuko’s heart. Not because the thought of telling the world about his love for Aang was terrifying or something he wanted to keep hidden, but because of their friends. Mostly Sokka and Toph. It will be relentless jokes and light harassment for months, if not years. Nothing they can’t handle, but enough to set Zuko’s teeth on edge. Pondering for a moment, Zuko responded, “I think Katara we can tell whenever you want. But Sokka, we have to think of something special.” 

Aang wholeheartedly agreed, knowing his friends only too well. After their laughter died down and a couple of kisses more were shared, Zuko suggested Aang finally get some sleep. Still too frightened of his subconscious, Aang took a risk and suggested, “Could I stay with you? It’s just the dreams--”

“Yeah,” Zuko cut him off, not needing to hear the rest. If being around him helped Aang to sleep at night, Zuko was more than willing--not that he minded anyway. Reaching Zuko’s room, Aang crawled onto the bed, hand outstretched to welcome Zuko. The Firelord chuckled at how fast the Avatar made himself at home and crawled in after him. 

That night, Roku didn’t come, and Aang’s dreams were peaceful. Aang knew those dreams wouldn’t be gone forever. Sometimes, they did resurface and Aang would startle awake. But, when that happened, he only had to lift his head from Zuko’s chest to remember where he was. For tonight, however, Aang could finally find peace while he slept in Zuko’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!! Kudos, comments, and feedback are more than welcomed :)


End file.
